I had the best intentions. I really, really did.
My goal was to take my yoga practice seriously and go to my nearest yoga studio often. I even purchased a Groupon to help me.
Pero, no. It didn’t happen that way.
This is how it happened. I made lots of excuses.
- The studio is too far (it is)
- I’m teaching (I was but online)
- They don’t have vinyasa at the times I want to take them (they don’t)
And yet, as justified as I may think they are, they were not really good excuses for starting back up. I think the real thing is that I wanted to recapture what I was like when I was more yogi and paid more attention to my practice.
I’m not saying I was a bad-ass, inversions are my life yogi, but what I am saying is that there was a time that I felt my body was stronger. Things like down dog were not difficult and I could trust my body to do things.
I didn’t trust my body. Down dog hurt and where I never needed the block before, I begged for it.
And somehow, some way… I got okay with it, with being not as “yogi” as before.
I started a home practice. I downloaded and attempted a vinyasa from my old studio in Arlington (the Yoga Project) and found that I couldn’t do the first 10 minutes. The next day, I did 20 minutes. Then I drove to my studio and did a yin practice. Although not as aerobic as vin, I was able to learn how the asanas felt of my body now and how it can move.
Now, my body is remembering that it can move that way and it can make beautiful yoga art even with the heaviness of trauma. It’s forgiving me for abandoning it and I’m loving how it’s recovering.
Forgiveness happens within. Be gentle with yourselves.